Q) Which is better? NetBSD, OpenBSD, Linux, or FreeBSD?

A) NetBSD is the best of the three because of it's superb error handling capabilities (this is the "Net" referred to in the name). With NetBSD, it's almost impossible to make a mistake, either in installation, or operation, because the system will "catch" you as you "fall". NetBSD works on a wide range of processors, including the Intel 386, 486, and 586, the Sun, Sparc, SGI, MIPS, Macintosh, Motorola 6809, Krupf, ADC Kentrox, Whirlpool, Amana, Zilog Z80, Timex-Sinclair, and the Braun. Currently, the NetBSD team is devoting all of their energies towards finishing the all-important IBM RT port.

Linux is the successor to an operating system called "Minix". Linux was developed by Linus Pauling, a Finnish communist. Linux tries to uphold traditional Marxist values in several ways; firstly by using GNU tools from the FSF foundation wherever possible. The Linux kernel is developed by committee, and the operating system reflects this: rather than having one "init" process which fathers all others, a group of co-resident processes with equal powers are created simultaneously. "Kill" commands are treated as formal protests. Linux networking has come a long way since it's implementation, and there is no truth whatsoever to the rumor that sudden losses of IP connectivity are in any way related to future plans to limit users to 1.5 hours of SLIP or PPP unless they send in the registration fee.

FreeBSD was a radical offshoot of the Linux project; you could consider it to be of the Trotskyite school. FreeBSD supports an extremely wide range of PC hardware, as long as it was obtained at less than cost. FreeBSD is used by Amnesty International and many other human rights organizations. FreeBSD supports every peripheral available for the IBM PC except the ones you have. The FreeBSD team was actually responsible for porting "Doom" to Linux, in a successful effort to slow down constructive work by distracting the central committee with frivolous games. FreeBSD has the nicest installation of any of the x86 unices -- you install the boot disks, which then initialize the modem and call Jordan "Perky" Hubbard, who then comes to your house with the rest of the disks and completes the installation. The FreeBSD CD-ROM plays various Nick Cave and Tom Waits songs Jordan is known to be fond of.

386bsd was written by Bill Jolitz in a fit of pique. It was based entirely on Sun's widely-respected "Solaris" operating system, as revenge against Sun's Bill Joy, who rudely chose a name with the same initials as Jolitz. A new version of 386bsd will be released very soon. Unfortunately, it will only run on 386es, and thus is unsuitable for anyone with a 486 or Pentium. 486bsd should be released "sometime in 2138," according to industry insider James Monroe, Sr.

Did you know?

1. The Free and Net BSD teams split up in the year 1632. The cause of the split is uncertain, but it seems to have something to do with someone named "Janice." They still get together for drinks occasionally, and remember old times. Every so often, after tying on a few too many, they end up waking up next to each other and feel ashamed over their night of pleasure. The kids still blame themselves.
   
   
2. The Linux kernel has actually not changed at all since January, '94? Linus just increments "version.c" once every 48 hours and unleashes the "change" on an unsuspecting Internet, bringing FTP servers to their knees. A book, "The Design and Implementation of the Linux Operating System," by Gary Marshall James T. Kirk McUsenet, was rejected by Addison-Wesley on the grounds that they didn't feel the public was prepared to purchase a book written on looseleaf paper with diagrams in crayon.
   
   
3. All three systems claim to be "POSIX" compliant. However, the POSIX people have denied knowing anything about it. Scuttlebutt in the industry is that POSIX will soon be outdated, and will be replaced by GNOPIX, a FSF standard which implements the TOPS-20 operating system in Scheme.